I have a dirty, dirty mind

A conversation between my roommate and I:

Patricia: "What do I want to eat?"
Me: "A dick."
Patricia: "Black or white?"
Me: "Well...are you really hungry, or do you just want a snack?"

I love us.

Miley Cyrus

There aren't many things I know about Miley Cyrus. In fact, the only solid, concrete information I have on Miley Cyrus is that everything I know/learn about her further feeds my strong distaste for her.

Now, I hate a lot of celebrities. A LOT of celebrities. There are many reasons why, I do not hate without good reason, usually. However, I mostly just keep this inner anger to myself, because there's not much I can do that would really help my situation, and making the disgust public would be pointless. Except for Tom Cruise. Tom Cruise is an unnecessary evil placed in society, and I personally feel that whenever I warn people about his evil magical powers, either A.) society will eventually wise up and sacrifice him so that we may have a bountiful harvest, or B.)when he lets his true evil powers known (similar to the experiences the U.K. had with Lord Voldemort) at least people will say, "Well, Roni was right."

Anyway, Miley Cyrus pisses me off. While I normally wouldn't publicly rant about this, the bitch has crossed a line.
Here are the things I know about her that I didn't like about her already, before the startling information I received yesterday:
1. Her voice makes me want to kill babies, because I fear that another with the same voice will grow up and make more terrible songs. Because of her, babies are obviously not safe.
2. Best of Both Worlds Tour. What the fuck chick. You're not two people. You need a doctor. And to burn that stupid wig of yours. Dumbass.
3. She's a bad influence on my cousin's kids. She's a dirty little skank that needs to stop being...no there's nothing after that. She just needs to stop being.
4. Nick Jonas wasn't good enough for her. While his music sucks too, I'd still "tap that" in a heartbeat. The fact that she dated him AND they broke up...well this is just me being jealous.
5. Party in the U.S.A. Actually, that song's kind of catchy...nevermind. There is no reason number five.
6. Her name's not even Miley. She got the name because her parents used to call her "Smiley" and they eventually dropped the "S"...how stupid is that? That's just...that alone is just awful. She shouldn't be aloud in this country, unless she goes to clown school and embraces the name "Smiley the Clown." Note how few alternations were needed to the following photograph to make Smiley the Clown a reality.



There are so many other things I could say, but my mind is blanking because the most recent occurence has taken hold and I can't remember anything else. Ever. Damn you for my amnesia, Miley Cyrus.
HOW DARE YOU COVER THE SONG "Every Rose Has It's Thorn." HOW DARE YOU. YOU EVIL, EVIL WOMAN.

I hate Poison as much as any person with a functioning brain that can detect good music does, but dammit, that song's a classic. She has raped that song, and then to add insult to injury, shat on its face. That poor song has now been raped and has shit on its face. Not only is that song a classic, it's a "Roni/Emilee Friendship Soundtrack Song."

Yes, me and my best friend have a soundtrack to our life together. Other songs on the soundtrack include: "I Guess That's Why They Call it the Blues" by Elton John, "Lovin', Touchin', Squeezin'" by Journey, and many other timeless classics that you can belt out loudly without having to have very much talent at all.

So yeah...you suck Smiley the Clown. That's basically all the time I can waste on someone so worthless. Otherwise I'd bitch for quite a while longer.

Engagement

I just saw via Facebook that another "friend" of mine got engaged. At this point, I'm wondering what the point is. Now, you might be reading this wondering "What does she mean, 'what is the point?' If two people are in love they should get engaged and married." Now, while that would normally be a valid argument, these are not normal times we're living in. 2012 is quickly approaching us.

Now before I get back to my original point, I'm going to first talk about my thoughts on marriage. 1. IF YOU ARE GOING TO GET MARRIED YOU BETTER BE DAMN SURE YOU'RE WILLING TO PUT UP WITH THAT PERSON FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. THAT COULD FROM TOMORROW ALL THE WAY TO 70 YEARS FROM NOW. THE REST OF YOUR LIFE
2. I'm not sure I can promise to a single person that they're going to be the only person I love for forever. I highly doubt that marriage is in my future at this point. It's going to take one hell of a specimen to convince me that they're worth my life. So until Jason Segel and/or Ryan Reynolds comes around, I'm not settling.

Anyway, everyone should give up on the marriage thing now. We've got less than two years left. We need to be focusing on more important things. Rather then spending those two years with someone you love being with (which is just plain ridiculous) you should focus on upping your hoe points. It should be each individuals goal to have sex with as many partners as possible. If we all focus on this goal, it will no longer be a goal, it will be a movement. And then my dreams will come true, and we can live our last moments on Earth as if we were in the 1960s. SEXUAL REVOLUTION, TAKE TWO.

Spread the word quickly. 2011 just started. If we act now, the Eastern Hemisphere will catch on a month before the world ends, which is plenty of time to make them feel loved by countless, loveless sexual acts.


This is romantic and, therefore, stupid.


This is fun and, therefore, not stupid.

Happy Festivus

Christmas. It's a big deal...apparently. Every year, the only consistent things that I can rely on at Christmas time are 1. food, 2. presents and 3. a lot of loud relatives. This year was rather rough for my family. You see, the oldest generation of the family is dropping off like flies, may they rest in peace. This year we lost my grandfather, Richard Landry, and my wonderful aunt, Marilyn Ramsey.

Now, while normal people would see the holidays as a depressing time with such a loss, my family is not normal. When life gives us lemons, we throw them out and drink beer instead. While wearing viking hats. Literally, the Adams Annual Christmas Photo was taken with viking helmets. See for yourself.



I took the liberty to also add a didjeridoo to the picture. It adds character.

Anyway, on to some of my personal favorite quotes from Christmas.

We'll start with Christmas Eve. The entire family (30 people or less...I really can't remember) got together for a group picture. My Aunt Carol was taking the picture.
Aunt Carol: "Well, aren't we a good-looking family!"
My intoxicated father: "DAMN STRAIGHT!"
My openly gay cousin, Princess David: "Well...not straight..."
Me and my cousin Chris simultaneously: "IT'S FUNNY BECAUSE HE'S GAY!"

And who can forget Christmas day, when we're all sitting in front of the TV watching Mariah Carey sing "All I Want For Christmas is You" and my Uncle blurts out (while sitting next to his daughter/my cousin) "She looked better in Playboy."

Basically, what I'm saying is, I love my family. Even on Christmas.

Shit my family says.

So the family room TV has been broken for...so long that I can't even remember. After countless attempts to fix it, the burning smell and the alien picture it produced finally moved my parents to go out and purchase a new one.

A couple of days ago while I was out grocery shopping with my father, he got a call that the television we were supposed to be getting (a 60-inch) had broken, so they were offering us a discounted 65-inch. After this call, my father and I made a trip to Conn's to check out the 65-inch.

"That looks awful big...too big if you ask me," my dad said, then looked at me for approval on his comment.
"Well, Dad, I've never been one to believe in 'too big' if you know what I mean."
He stared at me for a moment in disapproval, then shook his head because he knew it wouldn't phase me. He disregarded my comment and told the salesman that we'd just take the floor model of the 60-inch television. I really did want the larger TV. It was pretty.

Well, today our new TV was delivered, and my dad just set it up on it's stand. As my mother, my father, and I stare at it in awe, my mom looks over at me and asks, "Can you see it?"...I didn't know quite how to respond to this. If my mother had thought I was blind, she should have put me in a special school a long time ago.

However, I responded, "Well, I could definitely use an extra five inches."
Without a single hesitation, my mother was quick to reply "That's what she said."

No one can ever ask me where I get it from. Ever again.

It's only a day away...

My roommate's currently reading the Harry Potter books and watching the 6th movie. She has no idea what's going on. However, I'm a hardcore Harry Potter fan who's read the books like...a hundred times. A conversation we just had:

Trish: "So...Ron and his groupy...do they...?"
Me: "Ew. No."
Trish: "...so Ron and Hermione, they hook up right?"
Me: "Yes. Wait...if you're talking sexually, then no. There's no sex."
Trish: "WHAT!? There's no sex in these books? That's no fun..."

I enjoyed this conversation.

Right now we're in the hotel the day before Trish's big race tomorrow. Words cannot describe how proud I am of this girl. She's been training for this since the beginning of the semester. Her dedication and passion inspire me to do better in everything in my life. I love this girl :)

Excitement is in the air! More updates after the race. Today will be spent carbo-loading.

Content...ism.

In my life, at this very moment, I can honestly say I'm happy. I'm not an extremely stressed person. When something that stresses the average person comes up, I honestly think about the worst possible scenerio and go "eh, that's not so bad." I haven't always been this way, that's how I know it's completely true.

However, I do get extremely annoyed. That's one of the things that comes between me and my happiness. And it's stupid little things that irritate me. Inconsiderate people. Blatant annoyance. Stupidity. Encouraged stupidity. Shit like that. When these things come between me and my happiness, I quickly go from being annoyed to being angry. Ergo sadness...not joy.

On a slightly different subject, that will make its way back around to the original (I promise), I'm also not one who's out there looking for "the one" or "true love." I mean, if it comes around whatever, but to me looking for it is added stress that I choose not to deal with. I know, because I've dealt with the added stress. However, I get annoyed at the crowd I attract. It's like the universe is saying, "Oh, you're not going to give a shit about your love life? Fine, we're going to mess with you," and then that universe sends all these painful relationship-like things my way, completely killing my happiness buzz with it's pure, unadulterated botheration. Therefore, I'm in a pickle. And not the good kind that's currently in my mouth...which would be the vinegar-soaked cucumber kind.

Nevertheless, I am otherwise happy, and shall no longer complain...except for this quick comment on how work was Hell today.



I giggled upon seeing this picture.

I heart life.