A conversation between my roommate and I:
Patricia: "What do I want to eat?"
Me: "A dick."
Patricia: "Black or white?"
Me: "Well...are you really hungry, or do you just want a snack?"
I love us.
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Saturday, January 15, 2011
Miley Cyrus
There aren't many things I know about Miley Cyrus. In fact, the only solid, concrete information I have on Miley Cyrus is that everything I know/learn about her further feeds my strong distaste for her.
Now, I hate a lot of celebrities. A LOT of celebrities. There are many reasons why, I do not hate without good reason, usually. However, I mostly just keep this inner anger to myself, because there's not much I can do that would really help my situation, and making the disgust public would be pointless. Except for Tom Cruise. Tom Cruise is an unnecessary evil placed in society, and I personally feel that whenever I warn people about his evil magical powers, either A.) society will eventually wise up and sacrifice him so that we may have a bountiful harvest, or B.)when he lets his true evil powers known (similar to the experiences the U.K. had with Lord Voldemort) at least people will say, "Well, Roni was right."
Anyway, Miley Cyrus pisses me off. While I normally wouldn't publicly rant about this, the bitch has crossed a line.
Here are the things I know about her that I didn't like about her already, before the startling information I received yesterday:
1. Her voice makes me want to kill babies, because I fear that another with the same voice will grow up and make more terrible songs. Because of her, babies are obviously not safe.
2. Best of Both Worlds Tour. What the fuck chick. You're not two people. You need a doctor. And to burn that stupid wig of yours. Dumbass.
3. She's a bad influence on my cousin's kids. She's a dirty little skank that needs to stop being...no there's nothing after that. She just needs to stop being.
4. Nick Jonas wasn't good enough for her. While his music sucks too, I'd still "tap that" in a heartbeat. The fact that she dated him AND they broke up...well this is just me being jealous.
5. Party in the U.S.A. Actually, that song's kind of catchy...nevermind. There is no reason number five.
6. Her name's not even Miley. She got the name because her parents used to call her "Smiley" and they eventually dropped the "S"...how stupid is that? That's just...that alone is just awful. She shouldn't be aloud in this country, unless she goes to clown school and embraces the name "Smiley the Clown." Note how few alternations were needed to the following photograph to make Smiley the Clown a reality.
There are so many other things I could say, but my mind is blanking because the most recent occurence has taken hold and I can't remember anything else. Ever. Damn you for my amnesia, Miley Cyrus.
HOW DARE YOU COVER THE SONG "Every Rose Has It's Thorn." HOW DARE YOU. YOU EVIL, EVIL WOMAN.
I hate Poison as much as any person with a functioning brain that can detect good music does, but dammit, that song's a classic. She has raped that song, and then to add insult to injury, shat on its face. That poor song has now been raped and has shit on its face. Not only is that song a classic, it's a "Roni/Emilee Friendship Soundtrack Song."
Yes, me and my best friend have a soundtrack to our life together. Other songs on the soundtrack include: "I Guess That's Why They Call it the Blues" by Elton John, "Lovin', Touchin', Squeezin'" by Journey, and many other timeless classics that you can belt out loudly without having to have very much talent at all.
So yeah...you suck Smiley the Clown. That's basically all the time I can waste on someone so worthless. Otherwise I'd bitch for quite a while longer.
Now, I hate a lot of celebrities. A LOT of celebrities. There are many reasons why, I do not hate without good reason, usually. However, I mostly just keep this inner anger to myself, because there's not much I can do that would really help my situation, and making the disgust public would be pointless. Except for Tom Cruise. Tom Cruise is an unnecessary evil placed in society, and I personally feel that whenever I warn people about his evil magical powers, either A.) society will eventually wise up and sacrifice him so that we may have a bountiful harvest, or B.)when he lets his true evil powers known (similar to the experiences the U.K. had with Lord Voldemort) at least people will say, "Well, Roni was right."
Anyway, Miley Cyrus pisses me off. While I normally wouldn't publicly rant about this, the bitch has crossed a line.
Here are the things I know about her that I didn't like about her already, before the startling information I received yesterday:
1. Her voice makes me want to kill babies, because I fear that another with the same voice will grow up and make more terrible songs. Because of her, babies are obviously not safe.
2. Best of Both Worlds Tour. What the fuck chick. You're not two people. You need a doctor. And to burn that stupid wig of yours. Dumbass.
3. She's a bad influence on my cousin's kids. She's a dirty little skank that needs to stop being...no there's nothing after that. She just needs to stop being.
4. Nick Jonas wasn't good enough for her. While his music sucks too, I'd still "tap that" in a heartbeat. The fact that she dated him AND they broke up...well this is just me being jealous.
5. Party in the U.S.A. Actually, that song's kind of catchy...nevermind. There is no reason number five.
6. Her name's not even Miley. She got the name because her parents used to call her "Smiley" and they eventually dropped the "S"...how stupid is that? That's just...that alone is just awful. She shouldn't be aloud in this country, unless she goes to clown school and embraces the name "Smiley the Clown." Note how few alternations were needed to the following photograph to make Smiley the Clown a reality.
There are so many other things I could say, but my mind is blanking because the most recent occurence has taken hold and I can't remember anything else. Ever. Damn you for my amnesia, Miley Cyrus.
HOW DARE YOU COVER THE SONG "Every Rose Has It's Thorn." HOW DARE YOU. YOU EVIL, EVIL WOMAN.
I hate Poison as much as any person with a functioning brain that can detect good music does, but dammit, that song's a classic. She has raped that song, and then to add insult to injury, shat on its face. That poor song has now been raped and has shit on its face. Not only is that song a classic, it's a "Roni/Emilee Friendship Soundtrack Song."
Yes, me and my best friend have a soundtrack to our life together. Other songs on the soundtrack include: "I Guess That's Why They Call it the Blues" by Elton John, "Lovin', Touchin', Squeezin'" by Journey, and many other timeless classics that you can belt out loudly without having to have very much talent at all.
So yeah...you suck Smiley the Clown. That's basically all the time I can waste on someone so worthless. Otherwise I'd bitch for quite a while longer.
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Engagement
I just saw via Facebook that another "friend" of mine got engaged. At this point, I'm wondering what the point is. Now, you might be reading this wondering "What does she mean, 'what is the point?' If two people are in love they should get engaged and married." Now, while that would normally be a valid argument, these are not normal times we're living in. 2012 is quickly approaching us.
Now before I get back to my original point, I'm going to first talk about my thoughts on marriage. 1. IF YOU ARE GOING TO GET MARRIED YOU BETTER BE DAMN SURE YOU'RE WILLING TO PUT UP WITH THAT PERSON FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. THAT COULD FROM TOMORROW ALL THE WAY TO 70 YEARS FROM NOW. THE REST OF YOUR LIFE
2. I'm not sure I can promise to a single person that they're going to be the only person I love for forever. I highly doubt that marriage is in my future at this point. It's going to take one hell of a specimen to convince me that they're worth my life. So until Jason Segel and/or Ryan Reynolds comes around, I'm not settling.
Anyway, everyone should give up on the marriage thing now. We've got less than two years left. We need to be focusing on more important things. Rather then spending those two years with someone you love being with (which is just plain ridiculous) you should focus on upping your hoe points. It should be each individuals goal to have sex with as many partners as possible. If we all focus on this goal, it will no longer be a goal, it will be a movement. And then my dreams will come true, and we can live our last moments on Earth as if we were in the 1960s. SEXUAL REVOLUTION, TAKE TWO.
Spread the word quickly. 2011 just started. If we act now, the Eastern Hemisphere will catch on a month before the world ends, which is plenty of time to make them feel loved by countless, loveless sexual acts.
This is romantic and, therefore, stupid.
This is fun and, therefore, not stupid.
Now before I get back to my original point, I'm going to first talk about my thoughts on marriage. 1. IF YOU ARE GOING TO GET MARRIED YOU BETTER BE DAMN SURE YOU'RE WILLING TO PUT UP WITH THAT PERSON FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. THAT COULD FROM TOMORROW ALL THE WAY TO 70 YEARS FROM NOW. THE REST OF YOUR LIFE
2. I'm not sure I can promise to a single person that they're going to be the only person I love for forever. I highly doubt that marriage is in my future at this point. It's going to take one hell of a specimen to convince me that they're worth my life. So until Jason Segel and/or Ryan Reynolds comes around, I'm not settling.
Anyway, everyone should give up on the marriage thing now. We've got less than two years left. We need to be focusing on more important things. Rather then spending those two years with someone you love being with (which is just plain ridiculous) you should focus on upping your hoe points. It should be each individuals goal to have sex with as many partners as possible. If we all focus on this goal, it will no longer be a goal, it will be a movement. And then my dreams will come true, and we can live our last moments on Earth as if we were in the 1960s. SEXUAL REVOLUTION, TAKE TWO.
Spread the word quickly. 2011 just started. If we act now, the Eastern Hemisphere will catch on a month before the world ends, which is plenty of time to make them feel loved by countless, loveless sexual acts.
This is romantic and, therefore, stupid.
This is fun and, therefore, not stupid.
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